#PERVASIVE THOUGHTS TV#
In the same way that you quickly move past TV programs that are repugnant, you can take control of your inner thoughts and lock out disturbing channels. If the past is too contaminated, focus on some future event you are looking forward to, or picture your children doing something that makes you laugh or that warms your heart. Whenever you’re invaded by unwanted images, switch to another program. Imagine a remote control inside your mind that can surf from channel to channel. If a thought intrudes at any other time, tell yourself that you can’t think about it now: you have to wait until your next scheduled “worry time.”Īs time goes on, you will be able to cut down on the number of worry sessions and the length of each session.
Confining yourself in this way will keep your anxiety from contaminating every part of your life.Ĭhoose a quiet place to obsess before or after breakfast, lunch, and dinner and possibly before bedtime as well. You can discipline yourself to worry or fret only during certain designated times of the day and for a specific amount of time, from fifteen minutes to one hour.ĭuring this time, deliberately revisit any of the disturbing images, memories, or thoughts about the betrayal. You can control your obsessional thoughts through several different techniques, such as limiting yourself to specific times of day, distracting yourself with other thoughts, or telling yourself to shut it out of your mind. Your partner can choose which ones to answer right away and which ones need to be deferred until you’ve established more stability and caring together. When you and your partner are communicating with understanding and without blaming, you can let him or her see your list of questions. Write questionsĮvery time you start to obsess over unanswered questions about the affair, write them down. Your partner can read your letter without being affected by the tone of your voice or the impulse to interrupt you.Ĭaution: Do not send anything to the affair partner without the support and input of your spouse. You can edit the nasty or damaging parts out of it before you decide whether or not to send it. Then put the letter away for a day or two and read it to yourself. Just let the feelings flow out of you onto the paper. You can write to your partner or to the affair partner without monitoring your words. People who keep journals about their traumatic experiences enhance their immune system through increased T-cell production and report fewer doctor visits and better physical health. You can write as a spectator of these events in the reflective mode of the third person or as a cathartic expression in the first person. You can use the computer, an old-fashioned bound diary, or a plain spiral notebook.
You can write at a regular time or whenever the mood strikes you. When you start to obsess about the infidelity, you can enhance the healing process by expressing your deepest thoughts and feelings in a personal journal. Along the way, you can gain new insights, clarify your own point of view,identify issues you want to follow up on, and uncover new strengths-all in privacy and with freedom. Give yourself permission to write uncensored thoughts and follow our obsessions to the point of exhaustion. Writing provides a safe way to express and explore thoughts and feelings without concern about the effect they may have on other people. You don’t need to clutter up your brain with all these troubling details after you commit them to paper and pen. Writing provides an outlet that helps you “let go,” at least for a while. Techniques to control Obsessive Thoughts Write Down Your Thoughts When obsessive thoughts are too intense or intrusive, it is important to be able to control them. In other words, obsessive thoughts may intrude throughout the process of recovery until healing is complete, although they tend to subside as safety and openness are established in the marriage.
Until you take steps to grapple with shattered assumptions and construct a story about the affair that makes sense to you, you will be prone to obsessing. It is important to understand that obsessive thinking isn’t a pathological response to trauma.
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